Thoughts

I have this awful tendency to let things get to me more than I should. If someone says something to me and it is kind of harsh I take it to a completely new level of harshness. I let it bring up things and old memories of when I was told something that hurt me even more and then I bring up in my mind something that hurt even worse. Until I get to the point that I feel like nothing is going right and there is no point to anything anymore. When I get to this point it gets bad.

I cry to the point that my eyes almost swell shut. I feel like a piece of me is gone. I become harsh after these moments and put up this HUGE barrier and don't let anyone come near me, or touch me. Which is strange because I know that is my one need. That is all I need. I need to be reminded why I am doing it all. And not in harsh words. Just in loving caring words that can have the same affect as what the harsh words bring out. 

This is the scenario I need. As I cry I need to be held and kissed till I let it all out. After that I just need to talk about what happened and not feel like I have to apologize. Knowing that I am not being judged for it. I have never had that. Not the way that I know will help me and make me stronger as a person and more refreshed. Instead I just let people "walk" all over me with their words and lash out in inappropriate ways.