It hurts bringing my uncle Lincoln up. But I need to do it. There are some people in my family that still have not come to terms to the fact that he is gone. He has been gone since May of 2007. I have been thinking about him more often. And I talked to a family member about it. This person has yet to come to terms with it.
This person has still not visited his grave. It hurts. I named the child that I carried in my womb after my uncle. I see that the name that I chose for this child to carry on was correct. I see more and more of myself and Lincoln in this child.
I am filled with so many emotions about this. Have I truly come to terms with it? Do I really know that he is gone and there is no more calling him and talking with him about my life? Maybe I haven't....I just don't know.
I just don't know if I really know and believe that he is gone. It has almost been 4 years since it has happened. I just know that he is missed and it hurts that he was taken from this world so fast and young. It is just not fair.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Friday, February 11, 2011
Sad
It's been a long time since I have felt this way. There are few words to express it other than I feel sad. I had to make a very hard decision today and I cried over it even though I know it is the right decision. I feel hurt, I feel lost yet not at the same time. I know what it is that I need to do and I am working towards the correct thing. It doesn't mean that it is any easier.
I am in a relationship with someone who pushes me in the right directions. He voices his frustration and I know that it is placed correctly and I completely understand it, which is part of the reason that I made this decision. About 90% of this decision was based on what I knew would be the right thing to do. It doesn't mean that it makes it any easier.
I will be a better person by what I have chosen to do and I will become a stronger woman in the long run also. Financially, emotionally, and physically. But today I am in a bit of a mourning process by my own doing. I really shouldn't say mourning, but just sad. I should have made this decision a long time ago, but I didn't. And for that I am sad. I should have known better.
Everything will work itself out in the end.
I am in a relationship with someone who pushes me in the right directions. He voices his frustration and I know that it is placed correctly and I completely understand it, which is part of the reason that I made this decision. About 90% of this decision was based on what I knew would be the right thing to do. It doesn't mean that it makes it any easier.
I will be a better person by what I have chosen to do and I will become a stronger woman in the long run also. Financially, emotionally, and physically. But today I am in a bit of a mourning process by my own doing. I really shouldn't say mourning, but just sad. I should have made this decision a long time ago, but I didn't. And for that I am sad. I should have known better.
Everything will work itself out in the end.
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